ana.words, alma

ana.words, alma
20. Juni 2003 mahal
In Allgemein
the loveliest girl in vienna
was alma, the smartest as well.
once you picked her up on your antenna,
you'd never be free of her spell.

her lovers were many and varied
from the day she began her - beguine.
there were three famous ones whom she married,
and god knows how many between.

alma, tell us,
all modern women are jealous,
which of your magical wands
got you gustav and walter and franz?

the first one she married was mahler,
whose buddies all knew him as gustav,
and each time he saw her he'd holler,
"ach, that is the fräulein i must have!"

their marriage, however, was murder.
he'd scream to the heavens above,
"i'm writing das lied von der erde
and she only wants to make love!"

alma, tell us,
all modern women are jealous.
you should have a statue in bronze
for bagging gustav and walter and franz.

while married to gus she met gropius,
and soon she was swinging with walter.
gus died and her tear drops were copious,
she cried all the way to the altar.

but he would work late at the bauhaus,
and only came home now and then.
she said, "what am i running, a chow house?
it's time to change partners again!"

alma, tell us,
all modern women are jealous.
though you didn't even use ponds,
you got gustav and walter and franz.

while married to walt, she'd met werfel,
and he, too, was caught in her net.
he married her but he was careful,
'cause alma was no bernadette.

and that is the story of alma,
who knew how to receive and to give.
the body that reached her embalma
was one that had known how to live.

alma, tell us,
how can they help being jealous?
ducks always envy the swans
who get gustav and walter,
you never did falter
with gustav and walter and franz.

tom lehrer

und die ansage dazu war:

last december 13th, there appeared in the newspapers the
juiciest, spiciest, raciest obituary it has ever been my
pleasure to read. it was that of a lady named alma mahler
gropius werfel, who had, in her lifetime, managed to acquire
as lovers practically all of the top creative men in central
europe. and, among these lovers, who were listed in the
obituary, by the way, which is what made it so interesting,
there were three whom she went so far as to marry: one of
the leading composers of the day, gustav mahler, composer of
das lied von der erde and other light classics, one of the
leading architects, walter gropius, of the bauhaus school of
design, and one of the leading writers, franz werfel, author
of the song of bernadette and other masterpieces.

it's people like that who make you realize how little you've
accomplished. it is a sobering thought, for example, that
when mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years! 

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