mahalwords, if mahalla mada tostarz

mahalwords, if mahalla mada tostarz
30. Mai 1997 michael
In mahalwords
If IBM made toasters ...
     They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be 
     submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide 
     market for five, maybe six toasters.
     If Xerox made toasters ...
     You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices 
     would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread 
     for you.
     If Radio Shack made toasters ...
     The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about 
     it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
     If Oracle made toasters ...
     They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and 
     styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the 
     Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension 
     was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was 
     just blowing smoke.
     If Sun made toasters ...
     The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa 
     Does DEC still make toasters?...
     They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?
     If Hewlett-Packard made toasters ...
     They would market the Reverse Toaster, which takes in toast and 
     gives you regular bread.
     If Tandem made toasters ...
     You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned 
     the toaster would automatically toast you a new one.
     If Thinking Machines made toasters ...
     You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same 
     If Cray made toasters ...
     They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other 
     single-slice toaster in the world.
     If the NSA made toasters ...
     Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA 
     could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons 
     of national security.
     If Sony made toasters ...
     The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece 
     of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to 
     your belt.
     If Timex made toasters ...
     They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that 
     take a licking and keep on toasting.
     If Fisher Price made toasters ...
     "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to 
     toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.
     And, of course: If Microsoft made toasters ...
     Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a 
     toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still 
     have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds 
     (hence requiring a reinforced steel counter-top), draw enough 
     electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in 
     your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you 
     control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would 
     secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made 
     them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless 
     would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their 
     If Apple made toasters ...
     It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years 
     earlier then go out of business 'cause they couldn't sell any to 
     anybody but speciality toasting shops.


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