ana.words, invade your system

ana.words, invade your system
9. Oktober 2001 michael
In Allgemein
CONDOM(1)             EUNUCH Programmer's Manual            

NAME condom - Protection against viruses and prevention of
child processes

SYNOPSIS condom [options] [processid]

DESCRIPTION condom provides protection against System
Transmitted Viruses (STVs) that may invade your system. 
Although the spread of such viruses across a network can
only be abated by aware and cautious users, condom is the
only highly-effective means of preventing viruses from
entering your system (see celibacy(1)).  Any data passed to
condom by the protected process will be blocked, as
specified by the value of the -s option (see OPTIONS below).
 condom is known to defend against the following viruses and
other malicious afflictions...

o AIDS o Herpes Simplex (genital varieties) o Syphilis o
Crabs o Genital warts o Gonorrhea o Chlamydia o Michelangelo
o Jerusalem

When used alone or in conjunction with pill(1), sponge(1),
foam(1), and/or setiud(3), condom also prevents the
conception of a child process.  If invoked from within a
synchronous process, condom has, by default, an 80% chance
of preventing the external processes from becoming parent
processes (see the -s option below).  When other process
contraceptives are used, the chance of preventing a child
process from being forked becomes much greater.  See
pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for more
information. If no options are given, the current user's
login process (as determined by the environment variable
USER) is protected with a Trojan rough-cut latex condom
without a reservoir tip.  The optional 'processid' argument
is an integer specifying the process to protect. NOTE:
condom may only be used with a hard disk.  condom will
terminate abnormally with exit code -1 if used with a floppy
disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below).

OPTIONS The following options may be given to condom...

-b BRAND        BRANDs are as follows...

trojan (default) ramses sheik goldcoin fourex

-m MATERIAL     The valid MATERIALs are...

latex (default) saranwrap membrane -- WARNING!  The membrane
option is _not_ endorsed by the System Administrator General
as an effective barrier against certain viruses.  It is
supported only for the sake of tradition.

-f FLAVOR       The following FLAVORs are currently

plain (default) apple banana cherry cinnamon licorice orange
peppermint raspberry spearmint strawberry

-r              Toggle reservoir tip (default is no
reservoir tip)

-s STRENGTH     STRENGTH is an integer between 20 and 100
specifying the resilience of condom against data passed to
condom by the protected process.  Using a larger value of
STRENGTH increases condom's protective abilities, but also
reduces interprocess communication. A smaller value of
STRENGTH increases interprocess communication, but also
increases the likelihood of a security breach.  An extremely
vigorous process or one passing an enormous amount of data
to condom will increase the chance of condom's failure.  The
default STRENGTH is 80%.

-t TEXTURE      Valid TEXTUREs are...

rough (default) ribbed bumps lubricated (provides smoother
interaction between processes)

WARNING: The use of an external application to condom in
order to reduce friction between processes has been proven
in benchmark tests to decrease condom's strength factor!  If
execution speed is important to your process, use the '-t
lubricated' option.

DIAGNOSTICS condom terminates with one of the following exit

-1      An attempt was made to use condom on a floppy disk.

0      condom exited successfully (no data was passed to the
synchronous process).

1      condom failed and data was allowed through.  The
danger of transmission of an STV or the forking of a child
process is inversely proportional to the number of other
protections employed and is directly proportional to the
ages of the processes involved.

BUGS condom is NOT 100% effective at preventing a child
process from being forked or at deterring the invasion of a
virus (although the System Administrator General has deemed
that condom is the most effective means of preventing the
spread of system transmitted viruses).  See celibacy(1) for
information on a 100% effective program for preventing these
problems. Remember... the use of sex(1) and other related
routines should only occur between mature, consenting
processes.  If you must use sex(1), please employ condom to
protect your process and your synchronous process.  If we
are all responsible, we can stop the spread of STVs.

AUTHORS and HISTORY The original version of condom was
released in Roman times and was only marginally effective. 
With the advent of modern technology, condom now supports
many more options and is much more effective. The current
release of condom was written by Ken Maupin at the
University of Washington ( and was
last updated on 10/7/92.

SEE ALSO celibacy(1), sex(1), pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1),
and setiud(3)

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